My Disappearing

My sharp nails tear into the bruised and scarred skin of my forearms, reminding me that I'm still here.

The way in which the world and all the people in it move around me and through me fills me with fear.

I open my mouth to speak, but hear not an utterance, and I can't even remember the sound of my voice.

It's been smothered by those around me for so long that to remain silent has become my only choice.

No one cares to hear the words trapped inside of me anyway, so why make trouble or bother to try.

It's become easier to withdraw into myself and be what they want while watching the world go by.

As long as I serve my purpose, I could go on in this hell forever without notice or care from anyone.

But something has shifted inside, and I can start to feel that the fading within has finally begun.

I wasn't always this way, you know; there was a time when I was a whole, visible person and thriving.

But one after another, they came and took their pieces of me, leaving me desolate and barely surviving.

What's left is a faint silhouette of the girl I used to be before they came and went, but I'm fading quickly.

When there is finally nothing left of me, they won't even notice, as they go on living their lives so sickly.

No memory nor fleeting thought will be given to me, the girl they each used and took from so greedily.

A new victim, who is easily used, drained, and disposed of, will come along and replace me speedily.

I feel I'm fading faster now; no seeing their faces nor remembering the horrors; their voices, there is no more hearing.

It's almost time to say goodbye to this cruel world and all its evil inhabitants, for the time has come for my disappearing.

I thought I would be scared when this moment finally came, and that death I would certainly be fearing.

But as all the pain falls away and with it the memories too, I can faintly hear my voice again, and it is cheering.